


Myosotis

by Symone_Nicole



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
Genre: Background Relationships, Desperation, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, I had over a month of writer's block and came up with this idea, Jealousy, M/M, Memory Loss, Past Relationships, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24959380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symone_Nicole/pseuds/Symone_Nicole
Summary: A mission on Dathomir goes wrong, Finn loses his memories.
Relationships: Finn/Kylo Ren, brief Finn/DJ
Comments: 20
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

Finn wakes up to the bright lights of the medical wing, he can hear the machines around him beeping. He can barely focus on the bright lights as his head starts pounding. It’s loud and unforgivable. He groans and then a blurred face comes into view and he tries to focus on them. His escalating headache keeps escalating as he focuses on his friend.

“Rey?” Finn groans, and rubs his forehead. It felt like it was literally being split into two.

“You’re awake!” Rey smiled as she looked at him but it quickly went away. “What’s wrong?”

“My head,” Finn grunts as he tries to lean up which turned out to be a mistake. The room started spinning immediately, his mouth quickly became hot and wet before he vomited. He doesn’t know if he vomited on the floor, on himself, or on Rey but he knows he did it. He can still taste the acid residue on his tongue before everything goes dark.

The second time he wakes up the bright lights are a lot dimmer and the headache is gone. He lays there trying to piece together why he was in med-bay. He hears someone move beside him and he turns his head to the side to see Rey, looking at her communicator.

“Hey,” Finn greeted weakly.

It was enough for Rey to look up immediately, “how are you feeling?”

“Better, I think,” Finn responds. “My head doesn’t feel like a Wookie tried to rip it off.”

There was a long pause as Finn squirmed trying to sit up, Rey was by his side helping him adjust. “That’s good,” Rey smiled softly.

“But, what happened?”

“You don’t remember?” Rey asked, worry set immediately on her face. 

Finn shakes his head and Rey tilts her head slightly. “We were on Dathomir,” Rey paused as she watched Finn make a face.

“Okay.”

“We got separated by a rock slide. I was with Poe and you were with Kylo and--” Rey stopped as she watched Finn make a face when Kylo was mentioned. It wasn’t his usual Kylo-induced faces. His face was tensed, not relaxed. His brows were low and squinted and not soft. His lips were pressed into a tight firm line and not that soft smile. His eyes were narrowed in a deep glare and what Rey saw lingering in his brown orbs made her pause. It was fear and hatred, not unconditional love.

“We were on Dathomir, Kylo was chasing us, and I got separated with that asshole?” Finn says slowly, “that explains the headache. Since I’m here alive does that mean he is dead or just mortally wounded?”

Rey shook her head slowly, her mind running. “Kylo wasn’t chasing us, he was with us. We were on the mission together.”

Finn started laughing, “Oh that’s funny, Rey. Tell another one.”

“I’m not making jokes!” Rey scowled and Finn’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“Why would we ever work together with him?” Finn asked.

There was a brief moment of silence as Rey looked at Finn with worry. “What’s the last thing that you remember, Finn?”

Finn thought hard about his last memory and instantly his face became hot. It was Poe, him and Poe being intimate together. Their bodies and mouths pressed together desperately until it didn’t work. It was going great until it crashed and fizzled. They decided to just be friends. 

“Snoke is dead,” Finn paused. "Poe and I decided to just be friends.”

“Oh Stars,” Rey said as she slowly sank down in her chair before she stopped. “A doctor, I should go get the doctor.”

“Wait, Rey what’s wrong? What have I missed?”

Rey paused as she looked at her friend. “It’s only been a few weeks.”

“Rey, you’re my friend, and I love you. But, you are the worst liar,” Finn responded.

Rey gulped, “that’s really the last thing you can remember? You and Poe deciding to just be friends?”

Finn nodded and Rey rubbed her hands down her face.

“Finn, you’ve forgotten a lot.”

“How much is a lot?”

“Three,” Rey stopped as she looked at Finn.

“Three?” Finn moved his hand, “Three what? Days? Weeks? Mon--”

“Years. Three years. It’s been three years since you two became just friends,” Rey answered and watched cautiously as Finn leaned back creasing his brows.

“Kriffin’ hell,” Finn whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey doesn’t waste any time to find the doctor and alert them of Finn’s alarming memory loss. She recalls Kylo telling her that Finn touched something and then the magick hit him before he collapsed. She let the doctor know even though the only ones that knew about Nightsisters’ magic were the Nightsisters.  Still, the doctor didn’t hesitate to re-examine Finn, and Rey informed Luke of Finn’s predicament. She knew she should be paging Kylo on his communicator right now but that wouldn’t do any good if Finn couldn’t remember.

Rey told Luke exactly what Kylo told her about what happened when they got separated on Dathomir. Luke stated that it sounds like it’s a curse that is the cause of Finn’s memory loss, but he would need to do research to know more. Before Luke could discuss returning to Dathomir himself, they were pulled into Finn’s room. The doctor informs them that he is suffering from amnesia.

“Will he ever get his memories back?” Rey asked.

“We won’t know until it happens. These things usually take time, maybe going through his usual routine before the incident might help. I’m truly sorry,” the doctor said towards Finn before they left the room.

Finn looked relaxed as he looked at Luke and Rey, “so, one of you wants to catch me up to speed?”

“After killing Snoke, Kylo defected,” Luke started off cautiously. “Palpatine came back and Hux defected, and Palpatine died in a major battle and we destroyed his Sith fleet. We’ve been searching for more Palpatine copies and traces of the existence of any Sith loyalist that could have survived.” 

“Wow, sounds like I missed all the fun,” Finn quipped but neither Rey nor Luke laughed. They both stared at him with worry and like they wanted to say something else. “Well, um, what am I doing these days?”

“Kylo,” Rey thought to herself as the silence lingered uncomfortably.

“Guys?” Finn asked as he looked between Rey and Luke. “Am I still with the Resistance? Do I live on base or somewhere else?”

“Sometimes you stay on base,” Rey started.

“And other times?”

“And other times,” Luke paused as he sighed. “You’ve been traveling with my nephew,” Luke responded with carefully chosen words. Luke knew they had been doing a lot more than just traveling together.

“Traveling I can see but not with that piece of bantha scum, no offense Luke--”

Luke held up his hand, “none taken.”

“I can’t see myself spending ten seconds alone in a room with that guy. Let alone traveling with him.”

Before Rey could tell him that he had spent an extreme amount of time with Kylo, the service droid rolled in with Finn’s meal.

“We should let you eat in peace and get some rest,” Rey stated before she hugged her friend tightly. “We’ll be back later.”

Rey and Luke walked out of Finn’s room and through the medbay in silence. “We need to figure out what magick hit Finn,” Rey said. “There has to be a way to undo it.”

“But for now, we have to tell everyone about Finn’s condition--even Kylo.”

Rey rubbed her eyes and sighed. She was so happy she managed to get Kylo to go get some sleep instead of lurking at Finn’s bedside. If he was there when Finn woke up... she doesn’t even want to imagine that scenario. But now she's the one that has to tell Kylo that Finn forgot about him.


	3. Chapter 3

They all had gathered in the room Rey called them too. She stood in the front as she looked at Leia, Rose, Poe, Hux, and Kylo. 

“Well?” Kylo snapped, earning a glare from Rey that quickly softened.

“What’s wrong with Finn, Rey?” Rose asked as she looked up at Rey.

“Luke thinks the magick that hit Finn was a curse,” Rey started.

“A curse?” Poe asked, “a curse for what?”

Rey steeled herself as she looked at Kylo before she glanced at the floor, “his memories.”

“What does he not remember, Rey?” Leia asked, “it’s alright you can tell us. We can handle it.” 

Rey shooked her head as she recalled Finn’s face when she mentioned Kylo. Her eyes were stinging, “not all of us.”

“What did he forget, Rey?” Kylo demanded, his voice hard and stern.

Rey looked up at Kylo's gaze and she spoke softly, “three years. Finn forgot three years.”

She saw it immediately on Kylo’s face, a brief moment of vulnerability before he set his jaw tight. “What’s the last thing he remembers?”

Rey starts biting her lip and she wants to look anywhere but at Kylo.

“Rey!” Kylo shouts at her, his voice demanding that she faces him. He wants to know the answer desperately. His world is hanging by a thread, but as long as it's a thread then Kylo could manage. They’ve been dating for almost two years but the spark that started their relationship was three years ago. Kylo was desperately hoping that Finn remembers that quick, desperate, and sloppy kiss.

“Just say it! What’s the last thing he remembers?!”

Her immediate response is a shout back and most of it is incoherent. “Being friends! Him and Poe deciding to be just friends. I had to tell him about you defecting.”

Rey felt devastated when she looked into Kylo’s eyes and watched him laugh. It was cold, dry, and didn’t reach his eyes. All eyes in the room were on Kylo as his back slumped against the wall and Rey saw a single tear run down his cheek. 

“He’s forgotten about us,” Kylo said quietly as he looked towards the ceiling. The tiny thread he had been holding desperately slid away from his fingers. Part of Kylo didn’t want to believe it. Refused to believe it. “I have to go see him,” Kylo muttered as he walked towards the door.

“Don’t go, Kylo.” Rey said, stopping him as the door slid open. “Don’t.”

Kylo glanced at her before he used his force speed and then he was gone.

“You think we can make it down to medbay before Kylo does something stupid?” Poe asked the room while standing up. Rey sighed and she used her force speed towards medbay.

“Unless you’re force-sensitive, I don’t see it happening,” Hux stated as he left the room. “I do know a thing or two about Kylo damage control so we should make haste.”

Kylo slightly hesitated in front of Finn’s room before he walked in and saw Finn finishing his meal. The green round vegetables were pushed to the side, he knew that Finn hated their bitter taste. Finn looks up and meets Kylo’s gaze and for a brief moment, Kylo is hopeful. However, that moment is shattered when he is met with confusion, anger, and worst, fear.

Finn’s brows are tight, his body is tensed as he stares at Kylo. “What are you doing here, Ren?”

Finn looks him over and notices that Kylo’s attire is different then from when he last saw him. He tells himself that it's been three years. Kylo still wears dark colors but instead of a leather robe, he has on a black long sleeve shirt with a dark grey poncho. 

Kylo takes longer to find his voice, “to see if it’s true.” He looks at Finn and is met with hostility, “Do you not remember me defecting?” Kylo asks and bites his lips to stop himself from asking more.

“No,” Finn answered. “I was surprised that you even did. I still don’t believe it.”

Finn's eyes widened when Kylo’s eyes quickly turned red. He watched as he turned his head and rubbed at his cheeks before Rey entered the room.

Rey looked at Finn and Kylo before Kylo stormed out the room and Rey managed to move to the side in time.

“What’s his problem?” Finn asked once Kylo left.

“I’ll tell you,” Rey started but Finn interrupted her.

“Actually, I feel like I’m better off not knowing. Nothing good happens with Kylo involved,” Finn stated and Rey stayed silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finn ain't wrong, Kylo Ren is trouble. But, just curious... how many of you all googled 'Myosotis?'
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy what happens next.  
> <3 SN


	4. Chapter 4

Finn was sitting on the edge of the bed dressed in fresh clothes. The doctor had just discharged him and all Finn had to do was head back to his room. He would have done it himself if he knew where his room was located. He looked between Rose and Poe as they shared a look between each other.

“So, either of you want to tell me where my room is or am I going to have to figure it out myself?”

“Um,” Rose began, “your room is well--”

“It’s under repairs!” Poe said quickly, “a pipe exploded and there were exposed wires. You're lucky you were in Dathomir and not in there, buddy.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Finn responded. “We got any extra rooms?”

“I got an extra bed, you can crash with us until your room is fixed,” Poe stated, not noticing his slip of tongue.

“Us?” Finn looked suggestively between Poe and Rose. “You two are together?”

“No! Never in a thousand years,” Rose responded immediately. 

“I feel like I should be offended,” Poe looked at Rose with mocked hurt.

Finn only laughed, “so who are you rooming with, Poe? Please tell me it’s not Kylo.”

“Worse.”

“Worse than Kylo?” Finn looked at him in disbelief. “That's hard to imagine.”

“Tall, lean muscles, pale skin, egotistical, very pretentious, and insanely petty. Ring any bells?”

“Hold up...Hux? As in Armitage Hux?!”

“One and only.”

“ You and Hux?” Finn's eyes widened, “how did that happen?” 

“I’m still trying to figure that out,” Rose quipped.

“Any other surprises you guys want to drop on me?” Finn asked as he looked at them.

Poe scratches the back of his neck, “other than Rose and Rey are dating? I got nothing.” Poe had a lot more surprises he could drop but unlike Rey, he was better at lying.

“Really?” Finn asked, his eyes filled with light, and gave her a bright smile. Rose nods shyly, “I’m happy for you two!”

The whole base had learned about Finn’s memory loss. It was a good idea to have everyone on the same page on why the most notorious couple wasn’t currently lovey-dovey. Finn immediately noticed the pity in the eyes of other resistance members when they made eye contact with him in the hallway. They made it to Poe’s room without any detours.

Finn walks through the door of Poe’s room and it’s not familiar to him. He remembers leaving Poe’s room just a few days ago and some decor was still there but it was very different. It was an entirely different base but it didn’t scream Poe, well not just Poe. It screamed of Poe and Hux.

The room was cleaner than he ever saw Poe’s room. The furniture was meticulously placed and decorated. A throw blanket folded over the back of the couch. Finn remembers seeing it just on the couch and it was never folded. Poe’s starships models are actually in a glass case, a collectors case, and not just placed randomly around the room. He looked down at the coffee table and there were coasters, physical coasters, and not napkins wet and torn. The next thing he noticed was the photos. 

  
  


He smiled at the first photograph of him and Poe laughing. He picked up the next photo it was of Hux and Poe, Poe was looking towards the camera and Hux was looking down at Poe. Finn put the photo down before he went to look at the third photo, it was a group photo of Hux and Poe with Rose and Rey. They all looked happy together. He looks at the next photo and furrows his brow when he notices that the next photo is gone. Poe noticed the group photo with Kylo’s arms around Finn’s waist and holding him too close to explain and he took it off the shelf. He hid it behind his back, tossing it behind him knowing that Hux was walking out of their room.

The flying projectile surprised Hux at first but he caught it. He took one glance at it before he tossed it on their bed.

“Welcome to our humble domicile, Finn.” Hux greeted before he reached over and kissed Poe gently on his cheek. “I hope we are most accommodating during your stay,” Hux stated as he looked back at Finn.

“I don’t know what’s stranger, the fact you two are dating or you calling me Finn.”

The last thing Finn remembered about Hux was not a sweet, domestic moment and he sure wasn’t calling him Finn. Hux called him a traitor and had issued his execution. He knows it's been three years but it still was fresh for him.

“There are much stranger things, believe me.” Hux responded and earned an elbow to his side from Poe. Luckily, Finn had turned around and didn’t notice the suspicious exchange.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Finn quipped. He turned around to face them again, “so did any of my stuff survive from the pipe explosion incident?”

“Oh, I forgot to grab it, buddy. Will you go get what survived, Red?”

“I can go--”

“No! No, you don’t have to go. Red here is happy to go get your stuff,” Poe stated as he went and grabbed Finn’s hand. “Aren’t you, Red?”

“Delighted, deliriously so,” Hux remarked only to get a glare from Poe. 

Poe steers Finn away, “let me show you to your room, buddy. It’s got an amazing view.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the two background relationships, I wanted one that Finn would believe and one he would be shook about, besides his own.


	5. Chapter 5

Hux left their room quietly before he headed towards Finn’s real room. It was very much not destroyed by any broken water pipes. Hux knocks on the door and awaits for Kylo to open the door. When Kylo opens it Hux decides that broken water pipes would have been better. Kylo’s eyes are red and puffy, his nose was runny and his hair was tousled and crazed.

“What?” Kylo asked, his tone has lost its usual bite. “Here to gloat?”

“Hardly,” Hux responded and it was the truth. It could have been Poe that got cursed by Nightsister magick. “Our guest inquired about his personal possessions.”

Kylo sucked on his lower lip before he stood aside, “Come in. I’ll put a bag together.”

Hux stepped into the room and immediately saw the chaos. The room wasn’t destroyed but photos of Finn and Kylo were scattered around the room. A holo-projector was on, playing a wholesome video of Finn and Kylo. There were tissues everywhere wet from tears and snot. Hux stopped when he heard a crunch sound and he looked down to see the broken glass. His eyes followed the trail of destruction until they stopped at a box. 

It was covered in black velvet and Hux knew what he would see if he dared to open it. There were also chocolates, not just any chocolates, very expensive chocolate that Hux knew Finn loved. He knew that because Poe liked them too. Hux’s usual hard exterior softens as he stares at the evidence of Kylo’s planned proposal. When Kylo walks into the room with a bag for Finn he immediately knows what Hux is staring at the box. He uses the force to pull the velvet box into his hand.

Hux turns around and stares at Kylo and his hard exterior is back. “Stars, Ren, get yourself together.” 

“Like it’s easy,” Kylo snapped as he glared at Hux.

Hux sighed, “So what, he lost memories of you together it’s not that big of a deal.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Kylo repeated before he snapped. “It’s a fucking disaster! It’s not like he forgot a few weeks--he forgot three years, Hux. Three years! He has forgotten our entire relationship. You should have seen the way he looked at me like a wounded animal in front of its predator. The hate in his eyes. Just the fact he was afraid of me, I--.” 

“He used to hate you and fear you,” Hux responded. “And somehow he, rather unbelievably, started to trust you and love you. What’s keeping you from wooing him again?”

Kylo closed his eyes as he recalls that moment when the spark was first lit. He didn’t woo him at first. They were on a mission together, both of them reluctant to be paired with each other. Finn had done something foolishly reckless and they fought about it before Kylo clashed their mouths together. It was messy, sloppy, as their lips and teeth clashed together until Finn pulled away.

“He could never remember, he could reject me,” Kylo paused as he thought about the worst scenario.

“You won’t know if you don’t at least try,” Hux responded. “It’s only been a few days. The doctor even said it usually takes amnesia victims half a year to remember. So stop acting like it’s the end of the world.”

Kylo throws Finn’s bag at Hux, “get out.”

Hux rolled his eyes as he was ready to leave.

“Wait,” Kylo called out and Hux halted. Kylo used the force to bring over the box of chocolates on top of Finn’s bag.

“You don’t want to give this to him yourself?”

“He’d probably think I’d poison them or something. I already took the card out of it.” Kylo looked down at the ground, the room was a mess. If Finn didn’t have amnesia he would have skinned Kylo alive for getting their room so dirty. “Just tell him it's a get well gift or something.”

“You know, I’m not a messenger.”

“Not like you have anything important to do,” Kylo quipped back. Hux scoffed and left without saying another word. 

When Hux returned, he told Finn the chocolates were from Kylo. Except he told Finn it was a “sorry, I slashed open your back” gift. Hux knew that Kylo would never make him his messenger boy again. Hux notices the questioning gaze from Poe and adamantly avoids it. When Finn reached out for his bag, it floated into his hand. He stared in confused horror as the handle of his bag touched the palm of his hand.

“Oh yeah, did we fail to mention that you're force-sensitive?”

“I’m force-sensitive?!” Finn gawked. “That should have been the first thing you should have told me!”

“I told you there were many stranger things,” Hux stated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only been a few days and Kylo has already given up. If he woo'd Finn before then surely he can do it again, right?


	6. Chapter 6

Finn tossed and turned in his sleep. He tried his hardest to go to sleep but he had been staring out in the dark room for what seemed like hours. He huffs as he throws back the comforter and puts on a pair of shoes and throws on a light jacket. He doesn’t remember the jacket, and it wasn’t Poe’s jacket. It was black and grey leather with red detailing. It was nice and comfy and Finn liked it. It was a little big on him but Finn didn’t mind.

He quietly left Poe’s and Hux’s room and started roaming around the base. Poe had given him a quick tour so he knew how to get to the gym, mess hall, the hangar bay, and his friends' rooms. He wasn’t in the mood to train, even though he was amazed by his force powers. He spent hours just using the force to lift his things. The mess hall was closed, even if it was open Finn wasn’t hungry. He can still taste the chocolate on his lips and he did his best to refrain from eating it all. He knew all of his friends were asleep and didn’t want to bother any of them. So, Finn walks towards the hangar bay.

It’s quiet in the hangar bay, besides the whirring of droids who move about. There are very few people just walking around in the hangar bay. Finn notices a door on the side leading to the outside. Finn walks outside in the cool night air. He sighs as he looks up at the night sky. He doesn’t know what planet they are on but he is amazed by the sky’s clarity. The sky is littered with stars and three moons. Finn inhales and takes in the clean crisp air and feels his body starting to relax. 

He walks while taking in the environment around him until he hits something hard. Strong hands catch him and keep him from falling.

“Are you alright?”

Finn stills as he recognizes the voice and flinches, he looks up and meets Kylo’s gaze. “You can let go,” Finn stated sternly.

Kylo doesn’t hesitate to let go but there's something in his eyes that puzzles Finn for a brief second. He watches as Kylo looks away and pushes back his bangs. Finn is surprised when he speaks up, “can’t sleep?”

Finn watches Kylo carefully, “no.”

Kylo looks at Finn when he responds, “I can’t sleep either.”

Finn’s eyes narrow as he looks at Kylo, he can tell there’s something else he wants to say. He watches as Kylo’s lips move slightly before he huffs and looks away. Finn moves his gaze down to his shoes, “um, okay?”

Finn thinks to himself about this strange encounter. “Let me guess… this isn’t the first time I’ve had trouble sleeping and ran into you out here.”

“No.”

Finn waits to hear more but Kylo doesn’t explain any further. He can’t recall ever having trouble sleeping. He was always able to sleep...even if Poe’s snoring woke him up in the middle of the night he would slip back to his peaceful slumber.

“Any chance you know why I’m having trouble going to sleep?” 

Finn hears the rustling of clothes and he looks at Kylo as he crosses his arms. Kylo glances at him before he looks up at the night sky, “I do.”

Finn waits to hear the reason why--if he knew what was keeping him awake then he could fix it. The silence stretches and Finn starts to grow irritated. “Are you going to tell me why?”

Kylo slightly pouts or grimaces, before he looks at Finn and gives him an answer. “No.”

“No?” Finn repeats as his face starts growing hot. It was his sleeping issues and there isn’t a reason why Kylo should keep them from him. Why would Kylo even know? He can’t believe any situation where he would work with Kylo, travel with Kylo, and confide in Kylo. Now that he thinks about it, he was with Kylo when he lost his memories.

Finn takes two steps back as he glares at him. “You don't want to tell me because it might have something to do with what happened on Dathomir?”

Kylo looks at him with confusion, “it’s got nothing to do with what happened on Dathomir.”

“And I should believe you?” Finn quipped back. “I just find it suspicious that I supposedly got stranded on Dathomir with you. Somehow I get hit with Nightsister magick and lose three years of memories? Not only that but it was just me and you. Maybe it wasn’t magick. Maybe it was y--

Before Finn could finish his sentence Kylo had quickly minimized the distance between them. He was glaring down at Finn as he started breathing hard.

“Maybe what?” Kylo asked, his voice tight. “Maybe I’m the reason why you lost three years of memories? Is that really what you think?”

“Yeah! It is what I think. I was alone with you,” Finn glares at Kylo. “I don’t trust you, let alone like you.”

  
  


Kylo growls as he pushes Finn’s back into a tree. Finn doesn’t hesitate as he pulls his blaster pistol from its holster. His heart is pounding and the muzzle of his pistol is almost touching the skin of Kylo’s neck. 

“I told you to keep your ass on the ship,” Kylo fumes. His voice is tight as he tries to keep his anger and pain contained. “But no, you just had to come along, Mr.I-have-force-powers-now. Your exact words were, ‘Nightsisters have been gone for a long time. Nothing bad is going to happen to me.”

Kylo scoffs and he rolls his eyes as he moves closer, making the muzzle of Finn’s pistol press against his skin. “When we got separated and ended up in that damned chamber. I told you not to touch anything. What do you do?! You touched this trinket and got hit with magick. It knocked you down on your ass and you were knocked out like a light. I had to carry you out of there. The reason why you lost your memories is your own damn fault, Finn.”

Finn glares while trying to remember and only becomes more frustrated that he can’t recall. He gets uncomfortable with Kylo in his personal space and he pushes him away in his frustration. He tries to calm himself as he recalls Rey informing him that Luke was going to research Nightsister curses. He thinks for a moment that Kylo might be telling the truth.

“And the reason why you can’t sleep at night,” Kylo calls out and gains Finn’s immediate attention. “It’s because you're alone. Your bed feels too big with just you in it so you can’t sleep. You’re lonely and you hate it.”

Finn glares at Kylo, “fuck you.”

Finn holsters his pistols as he storms away wanting to be far from Kylo Ren. Kylo just stands there with the rims of his eyes stinging as they turn red. He watches the retreating form of Finn’s back and knows that he should chase after him. He should tell Finn the truth, but Kylo is too scared to see that look of hatred aimed at him.

“You can’t sleep because I’m not there,” Kylo mutters but Finn is long gone and it falls on deaf ears. He never looks back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't there like a term for like a sad/crying Kylo? Crylo?? Hmm, oh well. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed Kylo's lack of social tact. And as always, I hope you enjoy what happens next.  
> Thanks for reading <3


	7. Chapter 7

Lonely? Finn was lonely? He was never alone since he had his friends but perhaps he was lonely in the romantic sense. Rey was dating Rose and Poe was dating Hux, regardless of how strange that still sounds. All of his friends were seeing someone and in the past three years he hasn’t dated anyone? If he had a crush or a relationship with someone that individual would have said something by now. His friends would have told him--someone would have said something. Finn lays in his bed and decides that he will join the dating pool. How hard could it be?

Very hard. Very fucking hard. Finn has been trying for weeks to have a flirty encounter with someone--anyone on base. He would see a guy that he would find attractive and would strike up a conversation with them. It wasn’t hard to keep the conversation going--it was always fun and easy to just talk. Finn believed that they were into him so he would take his chance to flirt.

Finn would slightly bat his eyes, give them a slight flirtatious touch, or and a slight smile. Body language always tells much more than words. Knowing this, he takes a step forward to shorten the distance. He made sure there was plenty of room for an interested party to step closer to him. It didn’t bother him that most walked away at his advances. It didn’t bother him but what did was the ones who were about to take that next step forward. Finn could read it in their posture, he could see that twinkle in their eyes and a smile starting to form before it vanished. They would excuse themselves then leave as if Finn insulted every single member of their family.

Finn sighs loudly as he picks at his food at the mess hall.

“What’s wrong, buddy?” Poe asked. Poe was sitting next to him and beside Poe was Hux.

“Yeah, Finn, you hardly touch your food and it's your favorite,” Rey added. Rey was sitting across from Finn, next to her was Rose, and beside Rose was Kylo.

Finn glanced up and slightly glared at Kylo before he looked down at his plate. “Maybe I just lost my appetite.” Finn doesn’t care if Kylo knows that’s directed towards him.

“You’ve been like this for the past few days, Finn,” Rose stated as she looked at him intently. “What’s really bothering you?”

Finn groans as he drops his fork, “Am I ugly?”

He’s friends all cough in surprise at Finn’s sudden question.

“What? No!”

“Kriff No!”

“You’re a complete catch, Finn!”

Finn smiles a little, “it doesn’t feel like it. I’ve tried flirting with people here and they either look at me like I’m crazy or they're interested in one second and lose it the next.” Finn rubs his forehead, “Am I coming off too strong? Just, what am I doing wrong?”

His friends look at each other knowing exactly why no one has even dared to return Finn’s advances. The reason was sitting with them at the end of the table and he was just staring at Finn doing his best at not looking too smug. It didn’t matter because Finn wouldn’t even glance past Rose. The smirk on Kylo’s lips falls fast. 

“It has nothing to do with you, buddy,” Poe stated. “It’s their loss. Some guy would be lucky to have you.” 

“Not that lucky,” Hux said quietly that only Poe could hear him and Poe jabbed him in the ribs.

“Yeah, Finn!” Rey responded while nodding her head. “You’ll find the one that's right for you.”

Finn clicks his tongue. “See, that’s the thing. It doesn’t even have to be a relationship… even if it’s just one night I’d--”

Kylo could feel the darkness swarming around him, urging him to give him. His teeth bite down on the inside of his cheeks and soon he can taste small traces of iron. He does his best not imagining someone embracing his Finn, the man whose body he worshipped night after night. He’d burned the entire galaxy down until it was nothing left but the two of them before he ever let anyone else caress Finn’s skin.

“You and a one night stand?” Kylo mocks when he interrupts Finn. “You lose your memories and somehow managed to become even more foolish?!”

“I’m sorry, but when was I ever talking to you?” Finn snaps without wasting a beat as he glares at Kylo. “What happened on Dathomir ain’t my fault.”

“It is,” Kylo stressed every letter. “How about you put all that time you wasted on flirting with any guy that looked your way and do something like, I dunno, remember what you forgot!”

Finn could feel his face growing hot, “What I do is none of your business, Ren! Matter of fact, why are you even sitting with us? No one wants you here. I sure kriffin’ don’t.”

Kylo immediately stood up from his seat and Finn followed. Finn was ready to leap across the table and hit Kylo right across his face and Kylo was hoping he would try. 

“Stop it!” Rey hissed, “both of you, sit down.”

Finn felt Poe’s hand on his wrist and Finn slowly sat down back in his seat as he glared at Kylo. He huffed before he crossed his arms and looked away.

“Don’t be too mad, Finn,” Hux started. Finn only rolled his eyes, the last person he wanted to try to calm him down was Armitage Hux. “I would enjoy seeing you kick Ren’s ass, but he does have a point.” Finn’s curiosity wins and he looks at Hux, there is something in his slight smile that Finn decides to ignore. “Everyone here knows you and they all know about your amnesia problem. The best solution is to go to a place where nobody knows you and I know just the place.”

Kylo was gawking at Hux across the table who just ignored him.

“Where?” Finn asked and Kylo looked at him quickly before he glared at Hux.

Hux looked at Kylo from the corner of his eye and smirked before he looked back at Finn.

“There’s a club not that far from here,” Hux stated as he adjusted his coat. “We can all go tonight and have some fun.” 

The air around their table quickly got tense.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Rose spoke up, she could feel the anger swirling around Kylo. 

“Why not?” Finn looked at Rose, “it sounds great! I want to go.”

None of them could think of a reason that would keep Finn from going. They set a time for departure and Finn wasn’t happy that Kylo was going as well. He left the table first after deciding that he shared enough oxygen with Kylo. He said it loud enough for Kylo to hear him and didn’t care. 

Rose sighed as she ran her hands down her face.

“How are you doing, Kylo?” Rey asked as she looked at Kylo.

Kylo clicked his tongue, “I’m going crazy. But not as crazy as you,” Kylo kicks Hux shin under the table. “What were you thinking?”

“That it would be fun,” Hux responded and Poe rolled his eyes.

“This is insane! We should just tell him,” Rose stated. “We should just come clean, you should just come clean before somebody gets hurt.” She stated as she stared at Kylo.

“Would you believe me?” Kylo asked her. “If you forgot three years and I come to tell you that we’ve been together for the past two years. That we’re committed to each other. That you love me just as much as I love you. Well, Rose. Would you believe me? Would you believe that you’d love me?”

Rose sighed as she looked down at the table, “No.” The silence spoke for itself but it was quick and fleeting. Rose looked up at Kylo with hope, “I wouldn’t, not at first. But, Finn trusts us. He knows that we wouldn’t lie to him.”

Kylo scoffs, “he thinks I’m the reason he lost his memories. He would somehow conclude that I made you all think and say the same things. That I would put it in your brains. He wouldn’t believe it--not even if he saw the photos and the vids.”

Silence fell over the table before Rey spoke. “He will remember. I know he will.” Kylo wished that he had just an ounce of her optimism. 

“I don’t think so,” Kylo stated as he stood up from the table. He would have to get ready for tonight. It was easy to keep people from advancing here at the base. He desperately wanted Finn to remember him. He hasn’t slept in weeks. He doesn’t sleep well alone. His bed is too big and too cold with just him in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would y'all believe him?


	8. Chapter 8

They’ve been at the club for over an hour. It was a double level club with bars on each floor. Inside the club was very low lighting and the timed smoke machines made it worse. There were colored lights that lit up the massive dance floor. Also on the dance floor was elevated platforms for those brave enough to step up on and dance. The drinks were strong and they were half-off for members of the Resistance. 

Poe managed to drag Hux out on the dance floor and Rey and Rose followed suit. They left Finn and Kylo alone at the bar which Finn didn’t mind since guys kept approaching him. They always asked if he came alone, which Finn admitted that he came just with friends. However, Kylo would level them with such a glare they knew otherwise. They all caught on really quickly and came up with some excuse on why they had to go.

However, Kylo wasn’t ready when a girl approached him.

“What?” Kylo said as he held his beer and looked at the girl standing before him. She was short with pale skin and long black hair. She was wearing a bright red lipstick and leather tight clothes that didn’t leave anything to the imagination. 

“Would you like to dance with me?” the girl repeats, her voice low and sultry. Finn turns to watch the exchange, he was curious about who would try to pick up Kylo Ren. She looks up at Kylo through her lashes and stops when she sees Kylo’s plain disinterest. “Oh? Not your type?”

“No, not even close.”

Kylo and Finn both watched as the girl changed right in front of them. She was a morph. They could change their form to just about anything or anyone. Her pale skin was now tanner, her black hair was now blond and she had bright blue eyes. 

She smiles but it quickly falls again. Her brow twitches in irritation. 

“You’re not my type no matter what form you take,” Kylo responded coldly.

The morph reaches to touch Kylo to see his exact type but Kylo pulls his arm away. “I’m serious. I already have somebody I want and it isn’t you.”

Finn doesn’t notice the way Kylo glances at him but the morph does. She stands back and nods understandingly, “Oh? I thought you were alone--my apologies. Have a good night, but if you ever change your mind, let me know.”

Kylo grunts in response and returns back to his beer as the morph walked away.

“You have someone you like?” Finn asked Kylo.

Kylo studies him before he responds, “yeah, I’m crazy about him.”

“Poor guy,” Finn said without pause. “Good luck with that.”

Kylo scoffs and his mouth slightly parts as he looks at Finn. Finn doesn’t maintain eye-contact for long and looks away. Kylo loses his mouth. He doesn’t say a word as he drinks his beer in silence. He doesn’t say anything or make any threatening glares when the next guy comes and hits on Finn. He’s tall, beefy, and has blonde hair and blue eyes. He doesn’t try to interrupt their conversation but he does his hardest to mute it out. 

He fails to mute it so he just sits there with his jaw tense and his teeth shut tight grinding against each other. He wants to cry, he wants to scream, he wants to sever that hand that is too close to Finn’s ass. When the guy asks Finn to dance, Kylo doesn’t do anything to stop it. He just watches the love of his life walk on to the dance floor with some other guy, named Grant.

Kylo stands on the upper level as he looks down at the dance floor. He can see Finn flirting with Grant as they dance. He watched as they danced together and refrained the best he could from force choking the guy when Finn started grinding against him.

“Looks like Finn found someone,” Kylo heard beside him.

“Fuck you, Hux.” Kylo hisses as he turns to glare at Hux.

“I did this for you too, you ungrateful--”

“For me? How is this for me?” Kylo glares at him. He never wanted to see Finn being with someone else. He has a few kinks but that isn’t one of them.

“We are at a dark club with plenty of alcohol. Who knows, maybe after a few shots you would have had the courage to ask Finn to dance. He would have had a few more shots then said yes.” Hux responds with his voice low and tight. The music is loud in the club but Kylo can hear him just fine.

“He wouldn’t have said yes,” Kylo responded as he kept watching Finn. They are kissing now and Kylo’s hands are in a tight fist, his nails are digging into the palms of his hand.

“If you don’t ask then you will never know,” Hux responded. “If you don’t want to tell Finn. Then your only option is to make him fall for you again, not acting like a kicked dog.”

Kylo glances at Hux and silence weighs between them. Kylo clicks his tongue and he quickly leans off the wall when he sees Finn and Grant leaving the dance floor. “I gotta go.”

Kylo read Grant’s mind to find out where they were going and it was to the bathroom. It was easier for Kylo to get there first and he easily scared off anyone that was inside. He can hear Grant telling Finn he would be right back. Kylo was lucky that Finn wasn’t coming in too because then his plan wasn’t going to work.

Grant walks into the bathroom while Kylo is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. They make eye contact just for a second and Kylo’s glare is too intense for Grant to handle. Grant can feel Kylo’s eyes on him even as he uses the urinal and by the time he washes his hands he has had enough.

“You got a problem with me?” Grant asked as he turned to face Kylo. He flinched at Kylo’s unexpected close proximity. 

“Yes, I do.” Kylo snarls before he grabs Grant by the collar of his shirt. “This is exactly what you’re going to do to fix it.”

Finn looks up and smiles when he sees Grant walking out of the bathroom.

“Want to get back on the dance floor or grab another drink?”

“Actually, uh, I think I’m gonna leave, Finn.”

Finn’s smile falls flat, “what, why?”

“I just don’t want to be here anymore… with you.”

“Oh,” Finn stated as he slumped back against the wall. Grant leaves without another word and very quickly.

Finn stays slumped against the wall as he looks down at the floor. When he raises his head it’s not intentional. Kylo lifts his head by his chin gently and eyes the small tear gliding down Finn’s cheek then wipes it away.

Finn is startled by the touch before he shrugs away and Kylo just holds his hand up before he puts it back next to his side. “What’s wrong?”

“Why do you care?”

Kylo clicks his tongue, “I do care.” Kylo paused briefly, “you don’t remember but the last two years we didn’t hate each other. And you.. yo-you actually trusted me.”

Finn looks up and studies Kylo's gaze before he sighs and looks back down at the ground. “Why doesn’t anybody want me?”

Kylo takes a cautious step forward and gently raises Finn’s head to look at him. “That guy doesn’t deserve you, neither do any of the losers you met here.”

Kylo knew that he didn’t deserve Finn. Ever since they started dating he felt like it was stuck in an endless waking dream. He felt bad for making Finn feel this undesirable that he would shed a tear for some stranger he met at a club. He didn’t deserve Finn, but he was going to work hard to show that he could earn it.

They just stare into each other's eyes and Kylo can feel his heart beating faster. He didn’t know if he should come clean and tell Finn everything. Finn seemed to accept the news about them trusting each other maybe he would accept them dating each other.

Kylo swallows before he opens his mouth.

“What is it?” Finn asked.

“You--do you want to dance?” Kylo asked and he could feel his ears burning.

Finn looks at him skeptically, “with you?”

“See anybody else?”

Finn leans back as he cautiously watches over Kylo. He had been digesting his words about trusting each other; however, his mind is still buzzing from the drink. He tilts his head as he thinks about Kylo’s proposition, and his mind wants to shout no. His heart says why not. He is here to have fun and he doesn’t need some random hook-up to do that. He doesn’t know if he can fully trust Kylo, but just for now, he will lower his guard just a little.

“You don’t seem like the dancing type,” Finn responds with a smirk.

“Oh, I can dance,” Kylo said with a small smile. “So, do you?”

“Kriff it, why not,” Finn stated as he grabbed Kylo’s hand. “Let’s take one more shot first. Oh, and do try and keep up.”

“I’ll keep up,” Kylo quips back as he follows behind Finn onto the dance floor.

Kylo thought for once in his life he might have to actually thank Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo being able to dance might be a stretch. BUT, I like to imagine that Finn taught him some moves during their time together.


	9. Chapter 9

Since dancing at the club, Finn had warmed up to Kylo. It wasn’t a lot but at least Finn didn’t stare daggers at Kylo anymore. He wasn’t hostile to him at every chance. Finn was still cautious around Kylo. His guard never fully dropped to where he could relax with ease around the man. Finn didn’t ignore him on those nights when he couldn’t sleep and ran into Kylo on his walks. Sometimes they walked together in silence and sometimes they talked about the force. Each night Kylo wanted to confess but he stopped each time. He couldn’t do it.

Luke had finally returned back from Dathomir. He left immediately looking for any information about Finn’s curse. Kylo was glad that his uncle was finally back and he was hoping that they could lift the curse immediately.

“So, what did you find out?” Kylo asked his uncle. It was just him and Rey in the room. 

“I know a Nightsister, her ancestor survived the massacre. When I described the curse to her she knew what it was immediately,” Luke started. “The curse removes all memories of the person they love the most.” Luke paused as he stared at his nephew, “That’s why Finn has forgotten the past three years.” 

“And how do we lift it?” Rey asked.

“She doesn’t know. She said it’s an ancient curse she’s only read about. She knows from the grimoires that a nullifier exists but she doesn’t know the ritual.”

“So, he’s never going to remember?” Kylo asked before he hit his fist into the wall. He used the force to cushion the blow to keep himself out of medbay. It didn’t stop a small dent from forming into the durasteel walls.

“Just have hope--”

Kylo scoffs as he rolls his eyes and quickly leaves the room. He bumps right into Finn as he walks out.

Kylo catches him easily but Finn can tell that Kylo is pissed. “What’s wrong with you?”

Kylo looks at him for a moment before he lets go and storms off. Finn looks at Rey and Luke, “What’s his problem?”

“He’s just upset,” Rey explained as Finn walked further into the room.

“Does it have anything to do with the curse?” Finn asked.

Luke repeated the exact information to Finn as he did Kylo. Finn sat there and processed the information. The curse wiped all the memories involving the person he loved the most? Finn remembered everyone and there was no one new who approached him after the incident. Finn paused as he recalled the information that he forgot. 

He recalled that the person he forgot about the most was Kylo Ren. The only memories he has of Kylo is memories of anger and fear. He remembers that Kylo mentioned he already had someone he liked. He hopes that person wasn’t him. And yet, he can’t help but wonder about what else has he forgotten that involved Kylo Ren? It seemed like everything he forgot Kylo was involved one way or another.

Finn rubs his eyes, “oh kriffin’ stars. I-I--” Finn doesn’t want to say it. Doesn’t want to throw the possibility out into the air and for them confirm it. Him and Kylo? Him and Kylo Ren? He doesn’t see it. He doesn’t want to believe it. 

“I gotta go,” Finn stands up and leaves the room quickly. Finn doesn't leave his room for the rest of the day. He doesn't even talk to anyone. He doesn't leave to eat at the mess hall and for once in his life, he was thankful for the dry nutri bars. At night, when he can't sleep, he just lays there looking at nothing. It was better than running into Kylo and learning the truth.

Finn manages to avoid Kylo for a week. If anyone even tried to mention him he would quickly change the subject. He didn't even want to discuss possibilities about nullifying the curse.

"So, I heard about what happened on Dathomir," Dj said as he looked over Finn. Leia hired him to obtain some goods for the Resistance. Finn didn't trust Dj but he knew that the man delivered on a well-paying job.

"Yeah, three years," Finn responds as he raises his brows. He crosses his arms as he leans against the wall. "Doesn't sound like I missed much."

"Maybe just all the fun," Dj responds with a sly smirk.

It was just the two of them in the corridor. It was strange for it to be this quiet at this time of day.

"I'm glad it was just that," Dj started before he looked over Finn's form. The second time was different than the first time. It was slow as if Dj didn't want to miss any details of his body. "I would have missed seeing that smile of yours, Finn."

Finn's face feels hot but he doesn't let that stumble him. He returns the slow look over then settles on Dj's eyes, "just my smile?"

He bites his lips as he glances down at Dj's lips. The next thing he knew was Dj had pressed him up against the wall. Their lips were almost touching before Dj responded, "oh, no. I woulda missed everything."

Dj doesn’t waste a second before he claims Finn’s lips. It’s slow and deliberate as if he wants to remember the feel of their lips together. Dj bites down on Finn’s lower lip, it is painful but slow and teasing as his teeth gently scrape across tender skin. It sends a jolt through Finn’s body that makes him moan out softly. Dj takes the moment and licks Finn’s lips before he deepens the kiss. Their makeout session quickly grows hot and intense. 

When Finn needs to breathe, Dj takes the opportunity to kiss Finn’s neck as his hands roam down Finn’s body. He grabs a handful of Finn’s ass and pulls their bodies closer together, making their arousals rub against each other.

However, the pleasure doesn’t last long. Finn looks up in confusion as he hears a strong gust of wind before he hears Dj grunt. Kylo is standing there and Dj is now on the other side of the corridor. His body floated above the ground and pressed on the wall.

“Get lost,” Kylo shouts as he grits his teeth.

“Kylo, wha--” Finn tries to interrupt Kylo but Kylo only pushes him back into the wall. Kylo glares Dj down, “leave now! Or do I need to make you?.”

Dj quickly holds up his hands and runs away as fast as possible. Finn’s face is growing hot and he glares as he looks up at Kylo, “what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Kylo snaps as he quickly crowds Finn against the wall and glares down at him. Finn watches as his face contorts and his skin turns red. “What is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong you? Making out with--with Dj?!” 

“And?! I don’t see any problem with that. I didn’t have a problem with it, and if you must know I actually liked it.”

Kylo clicks his tongue, “you did, did you?”

“Yeah! I--”

“No, you didn’t,” Kylo interrupted and he quickly claimed Finn’s lips.

Finn was taken by surprise by Kylo’s kiss and at first, he grabbed at Kylo’s shoulders to push him away. He never pushes away, but he holds on to Kylo’s shoulders to keep himself grounded. Finn felt like his body was melting from Kylo’s kiss. Kylo’s tender, delicate kiss that made the lit flame in his body react like gasoline was thrown into the fire.

The tender kiss quickly turned to one to match that fire. Kylo dominated his mouth with his unwavering passion. Kylo wanted to desperately tell Finn what he should have told him in the beginning. He wanted to spell it out with a desperate kiss so Finn would know and never forget. It was a full-frontal assault from Kylo’s lips and Finn was weak against it. 

Kylo smirked when he felt Finn’s hands sliding down his shoulders and gripping his biceps. Kylo presses their bodies together so can feel the heat of Finn’s arousal on his thigh. In his desire for Finn, he makes a hasty decision and presses for more. Finn regains most of his senses and pushes Kylo back, giving himself plenty of space.

They stand and stare at each other while trying to catch their breaths. Finn uses the back of his hand to wipe at his mouth and Kylo fails to keep from showing how much that action hurt.

“You like kisses from me, only from me,” Kylo announced as he took a step forward.

“No--” Finn starts as he holds up his hand but Kylo only grabs it. A soft and gentle hold that they both know that Finn could break out of it in his sleep.

“Yes!” Kylo stated as he looked down at Finn. “For two years, I loved you and only you. We lo--”

“Don’t!” Finn shouted as he pulled his hand back and cut Kylo off. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Finn watches as Kylo’s eyes went from it’s clear white to red. He could see his eyes becoming glossy with excess water. He wanted to be anywhere than here. He’d rather listen to a Hux monologue than listen to Kylo right now.

“And why not?!” Kylo shouts, his voice is pained and tight. He glances away and takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. He doesn't want to have a shouting a match.

“Because I can’t believe it that’s why!” Finn responds as he glares at Kylo. “You seriously expect me to believe that I loved you for two years? I don’t know why I would ever consider being with you. You almost killed me.”

“Well, you did!” Kylo responds. “I made my amends and you forgave me. YOU forgave Me, Finn.” Kylo said, his voice shaking as his contained tears started to spill. “I-I don’t know what it was you saw in me that day but we decided to give us a chance! We fell in love with each other! Both of us! It wasn’t one-sided, believe me,” Kylo reaches and grabs Finn’s hand again. Finn quickly pulls away and Kylo can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t believe him. That he doesn’t want to believe me. The resentment and the hate lingers and Kylo can’t take it.

Kylo falls to his knees in front of Finn with tears streaming down his cheeks. His voice breaking with sobs and his lungs failing to keep up. “Please,” Kylo manages to choke out as he looks at Finn desperately. “Believe me. You lo-love me, just as much as I love yo-you.”

Finn looks down at the sight before him and is stunned. He never thought he would ever see Kylo Ren crying and on both of his knees before anyone. Yet here he was witnessing a man who was once feared around the galaxy breaking down. Kylo just stared up at him waiting for him to speak, to say anything. Kylo would try to reach out to touch, but he pulled his hand back in fear.

“Every time I look at you, do you know what I think? Do you know what keeps replaying in my mind?” Finn asked as he looked at the ground.

“Starkiller,” Kylo says barely above a whisper. “Your back.”

“You tried to kill me several times and you hurt my friends. Kriff, I had nightmares for weeks about that night on Starkiller! I can’t relax around you not without remembering the pain, that fear--” Finn stops as he feels a cold metal being pressed into his hand. He looks down at his hand and sees the infamous crossguard lightsaber. The lightsaber that haunted his dreams. Kylo’s hand is still pressing his saber against Finn’s palm. Finn's eyes followed it until he looked at Kylo.

“Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it,” Kylo states his voice shaky. “If it makes you forgive me, then strike me down here--I don’t care. Whatever you want, whatever you need. I’ll make it happen.”

Uncomfortable silence stretches between them as Finn looks at the lightsaber. He shuts his eyes tight and he lets it go. The sound of the saber hitting the floor echoes, but not as loud as Kylo sobs.

“Please, Finn, I need you. I love you so much,” Kylo’s voice shakes. “I can’t live without you, I can’t sleep without you.”

Finn looks at Kylo’s eyes and he can see it. He can see the blind love and devotion in Kylo’s eyes, the willingness to do anything for him. Finn stares at him, wondering how he fell for a man like Kylo. The longer he looks at Kylo the more he doesn’t see it. Kylo calls out his name again in a pained cry and Finn looks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes tight. He feels his heart tug and it scares him.

“I don’t love you. I could never love you.”

Finn hears the sharp intake of breath before he hears the choked sob escape. He can feel Kylo reaching for him but he steps away and doesn’t stop walking. He walks fast down the hallway, leaving Kylo crying in the middle of the corridor breaking down at his shattered world. Kylo wails as he cries for Finn, and Finn never looks back.

Hux laughs loud and unapologetically after Finn tells them what had just happened. “And you just left him crying there? Now, this I have to see,” Hux stated as he stood up quickly.

Poe only rolled his eyes, “do you always have to kick someone when they are down? Must you be that petty.”

Hux smirks as he leans and presses his lips to the side of Poe’s forehead, “not always. If it’s Kylo I must, I’m contractually obliged to do so.”

Poe only rolled his eyes as Hux left the room without any delay. He studies Finn’s reaction before he spoke, “we didn’t know how to tell you. Rey saw the look in your eye when she mentioned Kylo. She thought it would be better if you remembered on your own.”

“Are you sure?” Finn levels him with a look, “Did I really love that--”

“Yeah, you did. You two were crazy about each other. Believe me, it took some time getting used to but he made you happy,” Poe admitted.

“You sure he didn’t just put that information in your brain,” Finn asked seriously only for Poe to huff and laugh.

“He said that you would say that ” Poe stands up and goes into his bedroom. He tosses a photo towards Finn when he walks out, it lands right on top of the cushion next to Finn. “Take a look.”

Finn flips the photo over and studies it. It’s a group photo and on the left end is him and Kylo. Everyone else is looking at the camera but Kylo and Finn are looking at each other. He recognizes the look in Kylo’s eyes from the look in the hallway. He looks at himself and it feels like he is looking at a stranger. 

The man from the past three years seems like an entirely different person and he feels betrayed by himself. How could he ever look at Kylo like that? How could he ever love Kylo? Trust Kylo? Finn flips the photo over in anger and frustration, he doesn’t want to look at it anymore.

Meanwhile, Hux was making haste to go to the exact corridor where Finn left Kylo. He managed to run into general Leia and Chewbacca on his way.

“Hux,” Leia called out as she looked down from her datapad. “Have you seen my son? I tried contacting him.”

Hux smiles, “Oh, I’m on my way to see him. I don’t think you want to miss this.”

Leia looks at him questionably but doesn’t comment on it. She doesn’t want to know what petty feud Hux and her son are having now.

However, when they arrive she knows quickly it’s not a feud. She’s flabbergasted to see her son in the middle of the corridor on his knees, sobbing. She faintly heard Kylo call out Finn’s name and she managed to figure out what happened. She glances at Hux and knows exactly why he was coming over here. 

“I thought I would feel some sort of happiness at seeing you like this but this is truly pitiful. Even for you, Ren,” Hux commented loudly and Kylo only cries harder.

Leia’s eyes softened as she walked towards her son, “Ben,” she called out softly.

Kylo looks up immediately at her, “Mo-mom,” Kylo sobs out, his voice breaking and chest heaving. Rejection has wrapped tight around his heart in a crushing grip. Kylo wraps his arms around Leia’s waist, buries his head on her stomach, and cries harder. He cries harder and tries to talk but Leia can only manage to make out a few words through his choked sobs.

Leia gently caressed her son’s hair gently to soothe him. “Oh, Ben,” she didn’t want to see her son like this. She was hoping desperately that Finn would remember. 

“I can-I can’t,” Ben shakes his head. “Ne-never. He said, never.”

“Everything will work out, Ben. You just have to keep having hope,” Leia responded. Leia looked up at Chewbacca, “Chewie, would you, please?”

Chewbacca responds as he kneels down and picks up the fully grown man and cradles him in his arms. Kylo cries into Chewbacca’s fur as he carries him throughout the halls. Everyone easily spots him wailing in Chewbacca’s arms, and everyone does their best not to stare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah! So, Finn doesn't fully forget Kylo because he hated him a lot before the loving. So, that's why Finn only forgot the three years of their romance, and what led to it.   
> Also, this might be somewhere between 12-14 chapters.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes. I will fix them later!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and as always, thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile, yeah?
> 
> I hope everyone has been doing well, staying safe, and following covid-19. It's hard to believe that 2020 is just a couple of weeks from wrapping up. 
> 
> Okay, so some quick housekeeping. It's been a while since I last updated this fic, along with others. I haven't been doing well mentally. I've been suffering from depression because of a vitamin d and iron deficiency. I've been taking my meds but I have up days and down days. I'm starting to get the motivation to do things I enjoy like writing fanfic. I apologize for the lack of updates in this fic and other finnlo stories. I hope it didn't seem I was abandoning them to start something new. I started writing other fics because inspiration struck me to write those, I was hoping that motivation would carry into my other ongoing stories. I'm trying to get my shit together. I have a list of fanfics that I want to share with you and other readers. So, I'm going to try my best. My current plan is to wrap up Myosotis, Surprise!, Season, and then will I resume updates for Ren and Calrissian. Thank you for your patience. 
> 
> Now, here is chapter ten of Myosotis.

It’s been a month since the incident, and Finn hasn’t even caught a glimpse of Kylo. No one even dares to mention Kylo’s name and Finn is thankful for all of it. He avoids Kylo like people avoid the sand people. He took a sleep aid on the nights he couldn't sleep. He even changed his assignments to even have a different time at the mess hall. Finn didn’t want anything to do with Kylo regardless of the fact that before Dathomir he had everything to do with Kylo. He didn’t care how their relationship started since he had no intentions of resuming it. 

He didn’t care what they did the past few years, his body was healthy in great health and that was fine for him. However, during the past month, his body had been tense. He did his best to avoid Kylo, but it would get difficult when he didn’t know Kylo’s schedule. He didn’t have to worry about it for long when Rey informed him that he left the base. Where? Finn didn’t care. As long as it limited the chances of them passing each other in the base, as long as he didn’t have those longing gazes aimed at him.

It’s been two months now since Kylo has left. Finn doesn’t even know if he is alive or dead, but it shouldn’t be any of his concern. 

  
“Finn?” A voice calls out, breathy and winded.

Finn shakes out from his thoughts, and he looks up at Dj’s eyes. Finn blanked out during sex with Dj. The two of them were now in a casual relationship. 

“Everything okay?” Dj asked as he pressed his lips against Finn’s neck.

Finn exhales, “everything is good. It feels good,” he responds when he kisses Dj back. 

“Yeah?” Dj stated before he started moving again, drawing out soft moans from Finn.

“Yeah,” Finn stated, guilt crawling in his gut instead of passion. He wasn’t lying, sex with Dj was good. It was good but it always felt like it was missing something. His body craved for more and when he expressed that Dj answered his demands but it still wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

His mind lingered as he thought of a way to express his foreign need to his partner. He closed his eyes and witnessed glimpses of passionate moments. Moments of teeth biting his skin, his nails clawing down freckled skin, and moments of strong firm hands holding him tight as they gave everything Finn could take. The last glimpse that flutters through his mind, his intense eyes looking down at him. An intense gaze that is overfilled with love, love for him. Kylo’s face flashes through Finn’s mind, and Finn cums.

Finn’s inner turmoil went unnoticed by Dj who was seconds away from achieving his own climax. Finn’s mind was running as he thought of what he did. He recalled memories if they were even real memories. He got off to Kylo Ren’s face. The face that usually brings anger and yet he ejaculated the hardest he ever had since his entanglement began with Dj.

After it was over, they laid there. Dj likes to cuddle after sex and whisper sweet words. Eventually, Dj falls asleep leaving Finn wide awake. Finn laid there doing his best not to think of what it could mean. He didn’t sleep at all that night.

The next afternoon, Finn was called to General Organa’s office. He showed up exactly on time with a large hot cup of caf in his hands. The droid instructed that he could walk in her office, and he did so. However, on the other side of the door looking at him was Kylo Ren. He was shocked to see him so suddenly, especially after last night. He was so surprised to see him standing there that he spit his caf at Kylo.

“Kriff’n hell, I’m sorry,” Finn stammered as he looked for anything to wipe Kylo’s face.

“I’m okay,” Kylo stated as he spotted a cloth and grabbed it. He wiped his face and dabbed the cloth at his robes, “it's better than the time you puked on me when we were making out.”

Finn winces, “yeah, well I don’t remember that. I’d like to forget this too.” Finn finally looks up from his caf to meet Kylo’s gaze. A mistake probably, but it's still there. His intense eyes with overwhelming love. “The general wanted to see me?”

“Both of us apparently, she should be returning shortly,” Kylo answered as he observed Finn. It’s been over three months since they last saw each other. 

The first thing Kylo noticed was obvious and it was his hair. His twists are gone now, but Kylo loves his new look. Finn could shit out the Rylek alphabet and Kylo would love that just as much. The sides of his hair were in a short fade, and on the top of his head were cornrows that lead to an afropuff. He is happy for him. He knew that Finn always wanted to experiment with his hair after leaving the Order.

Kylo noticed that Finn had gained a few pounds but he didn’t care. He was happy that Finn was in front of him but sad that he could not reach out and touch the love he has longed for months.

“You look… amazing,” Kylo stated, his voice breathless and hesitant. “I love what you’ve done with your hair. It looks great on you.”

Finn could feel his face heating up as he took another sip of caf. It was the caf that had his face warming up, not Kylo Ren. Finn swallowed his hot drink then spoke, “yeah? Well... thanks.”

Finn could feel Kylo staring at him, he just drank his caf as he gave the man a once over. His hair was longer, now it reached to his shoulders. He couldn’t tell from his clothes or the way he carried himself, but he thinks Kylo has lost some weight. Not enough to be alarming but noticeable. Another new addition was the facial hair. He has never seen Kylo with facial hair before. Kylo had a mustache now, and hairs on his chin.

“The beard is new,” Finn said when Kylo noticed him staring at it.

Kylo rubs his chin hairs thoughtfully, “does it look bad?”

Finn shrugs, “it looks... okay.”

Kylo hums as they both stood there rather awkwardly while waiting for the woman who summoned them both.

“So,” Finn started, cursing himself for speaking. Something had to have been better than just staring at each other in silence. “What have you been doing since you left? Learn any new force tricks?”

Kylo’s brows press together before they relax. “I was trying to learn to live without you,” Kylo answered with all honesty and longing.

Finn just stares at him with his eyes wide, as he swallows his caf hard.

“I failed at it, it was a waste of time.” Kylo answered Finn’s unasked question, “I would have been better off milking sarlaccs.”

Before Finn could respond, the office door slid open and General Organa walked through.

“Ben, Finn,” General Organa greeted. “I’m glad the both of you are already here.”

“General,” Finn greeted as he moved towards her desk, taking a seat.

“Has another Palpatine copy shown up?” Kylo asked as he took the other seat.

“Hopefully not,” General Leia answered as she took her seat. “I know the two of you aren’t on good terms right now--”

“I can be professional,” Kylo argued while looking away from his mom.

General Leia hums thoughtfully. “There’s a mission and you two are the only ones I can trust for it.”

“Ma’am, I don’t think that's a good idea,” Finn responded and Kylo crossed his arms.

“It’s the best I’ve got, Finn.” General Leia stated. “The two of you work well together on missions and you always get results. A new force temple has been discovered that isn’t on any maps. Luke hasn’t found any mentions of the new temple in any old texts. I need the two of you to investigate this temple, discover why it's showing up now, and if Palpatine or the Sith are involved. Finn, you have been making tremendous progress in your force studies, and I’m sure you will do just fine.”

“With all due respect, why not Rey and Kylo? I get that we have worked well together in the past, but now…” Finn trailed off as he glanced between mother and son.

General Leia sighed, “Rey has her own mission, but the location is too far for her to do both.”

“I’ll do it alone,” Kylo said.

“Now, Ben,” Leia started.

“That’s not going to happen,” Finn ended. “I’ll do it. We’ll do it together. When do we leave?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that someone might be starting to remember... 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and what will come.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> <3  
> Symone Nicole


	11. Chapter 11

“So, what do you think?” Kylo asked Finn when he walked into his brand new ship. Kylo had to retire the Silencer since he kept getting attacked every time he returned to the base. The TIE fighter was just a starfighter, Kylo needed something a bit more practical for his trips with Finn.

Finn looked at the clean polished walls. He could tell immediately that the ship was brand new. Kylo must have bought it with his own credits since the Resistance didn’t have the extra credits to splurge on a brand new ship.

“I like it,” Finn stated. “It’s a lot different than the Silencer.”

“That’s the point,” Kylo stated. “It’s still fast, great in a fight, and it has more storage space so we could go on longer missions.”

Finn smirked, “longer missions or longer trips?”

Kylo’s cheeks faintly turned pink, “longer trips.” He clears his throat, “but that’s not even the best part.”

“Is it the bed in the captain’s quarters?” Finn asked with a knowing grin.

“Okay yes, but no.” Kylo answered. “I mean the bed is awesome, you’re going to love it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Kylo responded. He moves in front of Finn, crowding him in his space until Finn’s back is pressing against the wall. Kylo cages Finn by placing his hands on each side of the wall. He leans forward, “the cockpit has room for two now.”

Finn presses his hand on Kylo’s chest, his fingers slowly tracing down his chest. “So, I won’t have the control panel pressed into my back anymore?”

“I mean,” Kylo started then dropped his voice as he moved closer. “If you want that then it can be arranged.” Kylo presses a button on the wall and the doors next to them slide open. The doors leading to the cockpit, “welcome aboard The Starbright.” Kylo cradles Finn’s face in his hands and kisses him tenderly.

Finn wakes up startled with his heart banging in his chest. He shuts his eyes tight as he starts to control his frantic breathing.

“Are you alright?” Finn turns his head and notices Kylo in the pilot seat glancing at him.   
  


“Bad dream?” Kylo asked with worry.

“Something like that,” Finn answered as he sat up in his seat. “I.. I’m fine. I’m okay.”

“Okay…” Kylo paused briefly. “If you want to talk about it I’m here for you. Always.”

“I got it,” Finn said as he looked away.

“What was that?” Finn thought to himself. He dreamed of Kylo and him being romantic and very passionate. Finn leans forward in his seat and he presses his finger against his temple.

“Am I remembering things?” Finn pondered. He shakes his head, “No, it can’t be. It probably was just a stupid dream.” 

Finn glances towards Kylo and he sees the holophoto. “Perhaps it was because of that,” Finn thought. It was a photo of the two of them. Kylo was sitting in the pilot's seat and Finn was sitting in his lap. Kylo’s arms were wrapped around Finn’s waist, and Finn’s shirt was completely unbuttoned. He could see Kylo’s hand slipped under his shirt and pressed on his stomach. Kylo was pressing his lips on Finn’s neck and Finn was laughing. They looked happy, they looked like the sort of couple that constantly existed in their own world. 

His dream could have been caused by seeing that image, his subconscious running wild with the implications. The image could have also sparked a memory but Finn has encountered pictures of him and Kylo before and it never sparked a dream. He could ask Kylo if they christened the ship by fucking in the cockpit. If he did that Kylo could think he lost it, and would believe that Finn has suppressed sexual urges for him. He could confirm that it actually happened and they both would know that he was starting to remember. Finn’s stomach tightened in his distress, it felt cruel and cold but he didn’t want to remember.

The rest of the flight resumed in silence and nothing significant occurred during their travels. They arrived at their destination and discovered a massive sea storm that Kylo skillfully navigated through until he found a flat surface to land. Water dominated the planet’s surface, the temple was floating on an island that was rocking with the waves of the sea. The ship moved with the current as Kylo powered down the ship.

“Grab any supplies you think we might need,” Kylo said as he stood up from his seat. “We might need rations and water.”

“You really think we’ll be here that long?” Finn asked as he followed behind Kylo.

Kylo shrugged, “who knows, maybe it will go by quick and maybe it won’t.” Kylo opened the bay door and extended the ramp. He stood in the archway and looked up at the temple, “Look at the size of it,” Kylo said.

Finn stood on the opposite end of the archway as he looked out in the pouring rain. Finn whistled when looked up at the temple and it was a lot bigger than he initially expected. “We’re going to have to search every part of that.”

“And force users love having hidden secrets and compartments,” Kylo said. “I don’t sense anything dark, but that snake is good at hiding.”

Finn stared at Kylo, Kylo looked right back at him. “What?”

“You wanted to take over the entire galaxy. What made you defect?” Finn asked, no one ever told him and he didn’t ask until now.

“I wanted to bring order.” Kylo clarified as if he made a difference. “I wanted to fulfill what I believed was my grandfather’s wish,” Kylo answered.

“You defected because of?”

Kylo sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, “why did you defect, Finn? What made you abandon your squadmates, your friends, your post, your life, your everything just to escape with the enemy pilot who killed Slip?” 

Finn lowered his brows as he stared daggers, “you don’t know that.”

"I do,” Kylo answered as he looked down at his shoes. “So, why did you?”

“What? I never told you?”

“You did,” Kylo responded nonchalantly.

“Then why ask?”

“I defected for a similar reason,” Kylo answered. “I will not be used as someone’s puppet. I refused to be manipulated by anyone, especially some slimy, conniving pest that is Palpatine. I didn’t want any part in that cretin’s schemes.” Kylo turned his head and placed his heavy gaze on Finn. “I should have left when you escaped,” Kylo stated as they stared at each other. 

Finn swallowed, completely unsure what to say. “Why would you do that?”

Kylo sighs as he leans against the wall of the ship and looks at Finn longingly. “We could have run away somewhere far, far away. No resistance, no First Order, and no kriffin’ night sister magick. Just you and me, together in a place where nobody knows us and we can be anyone, do anything. No one could stop us and only fools would dare to try.” Kylo closes his eyes before he speaks softly, “I dream of it so often it feels like a memory. A place just for us where we watch the sunrise each morning together and every night we embrace under the starlight.”

Finn could feel his face warming up from Kylo’s words. Softly spoken words that seem to gently caress him with their intimacy. When Kylo opened his eyes and looked at him Finn could tell that he was speaking the truth. He knew that if Kylo could go back in time then he would be defecting with the Knight Master and not with the Resistance pilot. He wants to retort that them defecting together would not have worked well, Snoke would have gotten him back. 

“I didn’t know you could be so… poetic,” Finn responded. 

Kylo hums thoughtfully, “there are a lot of things you don't know anymore. I can teach them to you again you'd want it. Just say when.”

Finn clicked his tongue, “yeah, we’ll don’t hold your breath on that.”

Kylo shrugs, “can’t blame me for trying.” He stands up from the wall, “we should go ahead and get ready.”

Finn’s eyes followed Kylo until he disappeared further into Starbright. Finn stayed at the entrance and watched and listened to the storm as he stared at the temple. It was made from stone, it’s age showing from the cracks in the masonry and plant life growing on to the exterior. He closed his eyes as he collected his thoughts, he sighed when he finally followed after Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a good holidays and so far having a good year. 2021 has definitely been eventful so far. I hope 2021 is kinder to all of us.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this update! Thanks for reading!  
> <3 SN


	12. Chapter 12

The rain never slowed down and Finn doubted it ever will. The storm was going to keep them from going inside the temple. Kylo deployed the Starbright’s additional stabilizers to keep the ship stable in their absence. He contemplated not using the ship’s stabilizers. He fantasized about the Starbright being taken with the storm, him being stranded here with Finn alone. He thought that being stranded together would be just what they needed. He hesitated in the cockpit as he ran the scenarios down in his mind.

The idea of being stranded could bring them closer, and that is what he wants. He wants to eliminate the distance that the grew since Dathomir. Kylo deployed the stabilizers in fear that being stranded would only cause the distance to grow, and that would be unbearable. 

“Everything okay here?” Finn asked as he adjusted his pack.

Kylo nods as he stands up, “just making sure the ship will still be here when we’re done.”

“Yeah that would suck to be stranded here,” Finn responded. Kylo held his breath. “If we’re going to be stranded somewhere then I’d rather it be somewhere more tropical and fewer storms.”

Kylo processed Finn’s words before he turned to meet his gaze. “So as long as it is a tropical paradise planet,” Kylo started as he moved in front of Finn. “You wouldn’t mind being stranded with me?”

They stared at each other as the storm continued to rage outside. Despite it making him uncomfortable Finn didn’t waver from Kylo’s intense gaze. He was able to look long enough to notice a glimmer of hope. Finn crossed his arms as he leaned back against the walls of the ship.

“There are worst people to be stranded with,” Finn answered. 

“Who?”

“Hux,” Finn responded instantly.

Kylo laughed, “yeah, I couldn’t agree more.”

Kylo took a step back as he tilted his head towards the ramp. “Let’s go. After you,” Kylo instructed Finn to take the lead. Finn walked ahead and Kylo tried his best not to ogle Finn’s ass too much. If Finn noticed Kylo’s blatant staring he never called him out on it.

They used the force to keep them dry as they approached the mysterious temple. They stepped carefully as the land below their feet rocked with the ocean. When they reached the temple they both looked up at the scenes that were slightly deteriorated in stone. Kylo was the first to step forward, touching the wet stone as he looked closely at the markings. Kylo furrowed his brow as he studied them.

What does it say?” Finn asked as he approached. 

“I don’t know,” Kylo answered and pointed towards the image. “That’s a Zeffo,” Kylo stated as he pointed towards the alien image, whose size dominated the weathered scene. The top of its head was wider than its face and long earrings dangling from its ears.

“What’s a Zeffo?”

“They were an ancient species, their extinct now,” Kylo answered. “Some of them could use the force and were known as sages,” Kylo explained as he walked to view more of the etched mural. “The three great sages were Eilram, Miktrull, and Kujet.”

“So, could this belong to one of them?” 

Kylo shook his head, “no, impossible. Their tombs were discovered on different planets long before we were born. All of their transcribed texts have mentioned all of the locations of their temples.” 

“You know a lot about them,” Finn said as he observed Kylo.

“My uncle took me to a museum that had Kujet’s sarcophagus on display,” Kylo answered. “It was discovered in the empire’s reign, and when the republic won they took the sarcophagus and donated it to the galactic museum.”

“They didn’t return it?” Finn asked.

“They tried but it was unsafe,” Kylo answered.

“So, do you think the sith loyalists are involved?”

Kylo shrugged, “they could be. The sith is obsessed with power. But, if they wanted a Zeffo they would be breaking into the museum to steal Kujet. Kujet was a tyrant, a dark sider.” Kylo paused as he scanned the image more. “I doubt they would be here, this scene is too… peaceful. Then again the sith has a history of perverting Jedi spaces.” Kylo turned to look at Finn, “just be ready for whatever we find inside.”

“Got it,” Finn responded as he processed the information. “Any chance this will tell us to get in? I don’t see a door.”

Kylo smiled slightly, “Zeffo temples were quite the annoying puzzles. Let’s split up to cover more ground, call me if you find anything.”

“Okay,” Finn responded. He turned around to check the area they walked past.

“And Finn!” Kylo called out.

“Finn turned around, “Yeah?!”

“Be careful… please,” Kylo responded.

“I’ll be fine,” Finn assured him. 

Their search for a way inside continued, both diligently studying the images for the answer. The sea storm continued to rage and the land kept gently rocking. Finn thought he was glad to have the force on his side right now or else he would be drenched. He thought about the Zeffo and what could be waiting inside for them. He wonders if Kylo has ever told him about the Zeffo before Dathomir. 

Finn could see it easily that Kylo has a passion for the Zeffonians. His facial expression didn’t change that much. There wasn’t any overcoming excitement in his voice when he talked about the Zeffonians. It was his eyes that gave it away. His eyes reminded him of the times Kylo stared at him, and all that was missing was in his intense gaze was the longing. He closed his eyes tight when he remembered the day in the hall. He remembered Kylo looking up at him desperate for his approval, longing for the Finn before Dathomir. It troubled him since the Finn Kylo is wanting wouldn’t be coming back. Finn pushed Kylo and the curse from his mind. He had more pressing things to do than think of the past.

Minutes passed before Finn felt something in the force. He chased after it happy that he might have found their way in the temple. He stood in front of a mural, the force presence emitting from it was very strong. He reached out to touch but hesitated, the first thing that popped in his mind was Kylo. This surge of force energy could be nothing or it could be something.

“Better safe than sorry,” Finn murmured to himself. “Kylo!” Finn shouted out into the storm. The only response was the crash of the waves and the hiss of the wind.

Kylo couldn’t be too far to hear him. Finn pulled out his communicator then he remembered that he deleted Kylo’s contact information. He thought of other solutions to contact Kylo and his only solution was to reach out to him in the force. 

“Oh Kriff,” Finn stated as he started pacing with his hands on his hips.

It wasn’t as if Finn couldn’t do it. After brief training sessions with Rey and Luke, using his force powers came naturally. He just didn’t know what to expect with what could be in Kylo’s mind. He stopped pacing when he reached his decision. He sighed, closed his eyes, and reached out in the force looking for Kylo. It was easy since the two were the only force users. Except it was faster. Kylo’s presence was warm, inviting, and uncomfortably familiar. There was no resistance. Just blind acceptance as he was warmly received. Images flashed in his mind and Finn felt like he couldn’t breathe.

A deep, soft voice called out, surrounding him, “Finn, are you alright?”

Finn nodded though Kylo couldn’t see it. “I’m fine. I just,” Finn hesitated. “I think I found a way inside. The force is like singing here.”

“Wait for me,” Kylo said and Finn pulled away from their connection.

Finn hoped he had longer to gather himself before Kylo arrived. Kylo arrived instantly using force speed to get to his location. Kylo’s brows furrowed as he looked at Finn.

Finn answered before Kylo could open his mouth and asked. “I’m fine, I just wasn’t expecting you to be so open and warm.” 

“Only because it’s you,” Kylo answered. “I admit that I didn’t expect you to contact me that way. I thought you would have me on my communicator.”

“I deleted your contact info,” Finn answered truthfully. 

There was a brief silence between them. “Oh,” Kylo finally responded. 

“Yeah, well what do you think?” Finn asked as he gestured towards the force source in question. 

“I don’t sense anything,” Kylo stated and Finn looked up at him dumbfounded. 

“You,” Finn emphasized, “you don’t sense this?!”

“I know, as strong as I am, but I don’t have echo sensing abilities,” Kylo stated, his tone more light. He was teasing him. “I’m talented but not perfect.”

“How very humble of you,” Finn quipped.

“I have to do it now since… well Dathomir,” Kylo responded. He cleared his throat. “My uncle told you, didn’t he? About your echo sense abilities?”

Finn nodded, “yeah, he did. But I’ve never used it.”

“Just touch it,” Kylo said. “I’m here, nothing bad will happen to you.”

There was comfort in that statement. Finn knew Kylo was speaking truthfully and that itself was reassuring. Finn reached out to touch the stone as the force moved through him. It happened quicker than he thought. 

“Well? How was it?” Kylo asked as he watched over Finn.

“Fast,” Finn responded. “You made it sound like it would take forever.” 

“Anything can happen at a moment's notice,” Kylo responded. “Did it show you the way inside?”

“Yeah, c’mon,” Finn stated as he gestured in the direction they needed to go. 

“Up?” Kylo asked as he looked up at the temple.

“Yeah, there are these vents we can activate to get up there,” Finn responded. “One of them is near here.”

“Or we could do it my way,” Kylo suggested. 

“Bash through the walls?”

Kylo snorted, “no, c’mere and hold on.”

Before Finn could ask Kylo what he was planning, Kylo grabbed him. His strong arms wrapped tight around his waist. Finn felt the force moving beneath them as they started lifting in the air. 

Flustered, Finn clutched onto Kylo tightly in fear of falling. “Kylo!” Finn shouted as he looked down.

“Yes?” Kylo asked, sounding smug. Finn looked up to see a smug face that matched the tone. 

“What are you doing?” Finn asked.

“Getting us inside,” Kylo answered. He watched as Finn looked down, “don’t look down.”

Finn turned his head, ready to retort.

“That’s it, just look at me,” Kylo said, his voice calm. “Do you trust me?”

Finn studied Kylo’s eyes as he repeated the question in his mind. His head started to faintly ache like an oncoming migraine. Finn nodded his answer. Kylo smiled slightly before he continued lifting them up in the sky. Finn relaxed his body as he held onto Kylo, his head rested over Kylo’s beating heart. The beat of his heart was more comforting than it should be possible. More than that, he trusts Kylo Ren. It’s crazy as it sounds that there is a tiny part of him that finds comfort and safety with Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have formed a productive system so I'm hoping it will lead to more consistent updates.   
> I hope you enjoyed this update! As always, thanks for reading!  
> <3  
> SN


	13. Chapter 13

Kylo easily lowered them inside the temple. They both could tell from the overgrowth that the temple was unattended for a long time. When they landed on the wet stone, Finn looked down when he felt something squishy under his boots. He looked at it and picked it up. It was green and slimy.

“Seaweed,” Finn stated as he dropped it the plant landed with a wet splat. Seaweed was plentiful in the room among other aquatic plant life.

“For all this to be here,” Finn started as he stepped over a decaying fish. “This temple had to have been submerged for a long time.”

“I agree,” Kylo answered as he surveyed their surroundings. “That only leaves the questions: why, who, and for what.”

“If we’re lucky we’ll find out quickly,” Finn said.

Kylo smirked, “yeah well, luck doesn’t care for me so don’t hold your breath.”

Finn clicked his tongue, “that’s reassuring.”

Perhaps it was the way Kylo moved that made Finn's head faintly ache before the brief vision haunted his mind. It was quick and garbled. Finn knew that they were arguing but it didn’t hold any bite. There was concern and worry behind their knitted brows and clenched jaws. “That’s reassuring,” he heard himself say. Kylo turned around just like in the present. He looked cocky, sure of his capabilities. “We’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it.” 

Finn snapped out of it as Kylo looked at him in concern. “Are you okay?”

Finn waved him off, “yeah, of course, I’m okay. What did you say though?”

“We’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it.” It was exactly the same way.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kylo asked again.

Finn sighed, “yes, I’m sure. I know my body best.”

“Yeah, but I know it better.”

Finn rolled his eyes, “you’re ridiculous.” Finn said as he pushed Kylo out of the way. “C’mon, we got work to do,” Finn said as headed towards the archway. It was the only obvious exit to leave the room. 

Kylo walked behind him and ignited a light to illuminate the dark corridor. They walked through the corridor stopping at any open room along the way. They searched for secrets and hints to the mystery of the temple that went hidden for so long. In some of the rooms, there was a strong force presence and Finn interacted with his echo sense. He discovered the use of certain rooms. Uncovered objects that had strong attachments to their previous users. It was interesting the way he relieved the emotions. He suddenly knew how to play an instrument he never saw before in his life. There was also a downside, his echo sense abilities at times can be disorienting.

In their exploration, they came across a split path. There was no other path besides the way they originally came.

“Let’s-”

“Split up,” “Stay together,” Finn and Kylo said simultaneously.

“We should split up to cover more ground,” Finn suggested.

Kylo crossed his arms, “we should stay together because we don’t know what we’re dealing with here.”

“An ancient, abandoned temple,” Finn responded. “We both know that if any sith loyalists were involved we would have been attacked by now.”

Kylo sighed, “okay, fine. But as soon as anything happens-”

“I’ll let you know,” Finn interrupted.

They each went their separate ways. Finn traveled down the corridor checking each room along the way. It was just like before they separated, a lot of empty rooms with some of them containing forgotten memories. Finn felt a breeze when he entered a wide massive room.

He looked up and couldn't see the ceiling, there was light shining through. There was also a trickle of water from the raging storm. He looked to his left and noticed an archway he had a theory that the archway connected to the path Kylo investigated. He looked to his right and there was a series of stairs. He noticed a faint glow from that direction. Finn considered going ahead or waiting for Kylo. Kylo would have been here by now or he could have gone ahead. Finn shakes his head, a part of him knows that Kylo would have waited or met him towards the end. He decides to wander ahead knowing that Kylo will catch up to him soon.

Finn climbs the illuminated stairs and he looks down the hall to see floating lighting up the path. It didn’t have clear signs of abandonment as what he has previously explored. It was cleaner, with less dust, less aquatic foliage, and fewer fish carcasses. Whoever was behind the sudden appearance of the temple had been here. Finn stopped in front of a stone statue. It didn’t resemble a Zeffo he had seen depicted etched on the walls. Perhaps it was a different species, Finn wasn’t sure. His curiosity led him to reach out and touch it.

Immediately from his cautious touch, the stone eyes started to glow a bright blue light. He heard a faint whirring as the statue started to move.

“Uh, hi?” Finn said as he took a step back. The palm of his hand immediately rested over the handle of his blaster.

The animated stone took a step forward and instantly thrashed at Finn. They were too close for him to dodge. Instinctively. Finn raised his force shields before the blow landed. His force shield also protected him as he crashed through the stone wall. Finn got to his feet with his blaster in his hand. He watched the stone menace move back in place mechanically. He shot at it with his blaster, aiming for the eyes an apparent power source. The shot did nothing to the glow but barely chip away the surrounding stone. Fin shot at it anyway, aiming for possible critical points. His shots did nothing to prevent the stone menace from stalking forward It stopped suddenly and Finn watched as the chest opened in half.

“What the kriff,” Finn said in disbelief. 

The same flow from the eyes was glowing from its chest. Finn felt the force screaming at him. Just in time, he acted on it, rolling as the menace released a strong beam of light. The attempted attack left behind a newly formed tunnel. Finn's eyes widened as he looked down at the destruction the beam left room after room.

“Where the kriff is Kylo?” Finn thought as he started running, taking shots when he had the chance.

He thought he could easily outrun the slow-moving death trap. However, he quickly discovered that wasn’t always true. The menace saw Finn fleeing and it lowered its stance and charged at him.

Finn was caught off guard and barely managed to dodge in time. His back hit against a wall, he barely had time to put up a force shield. At Least the pain emitting from his back was bearable unlike the excruciating pain shooting from his ankle. He let go of his blaster in the collision, and it landed far from his reach. He thought he could pull it into his hand with the force but he could barely lift his hands. He closed his eyes as the stone menace prepared to deal the finishing blow.

A deafening roar made his eyes snap open before he felt a strong force push past him. Instantly, Kylo was standing before him, the stone menace pushed across the room. Finn stared at Kylo’s back, his stance ready for a fight. A stance he hasn’t seen in years. Finn watched as Kylo ignited his lightsaber, and he was shocked to see it was no longer emitting red. “Kylo must have gotten a new kyber crystal,” Finn thought as he looked at the new orange light. 

Their eyes met briefly when Kylo glanced back at him, giving him a quick assessment of his injuries. Finn watched a menacing glare appear before Kylo charged at the stone menace. 

Finn watched Kylo’s flurry of attacks. He remembered the first time he saw Kylo Ren in action. He remembered being in an odd mix of awe and terror at the Knight Master’s power. He knew then that he wanted to be the last person to piss him off. Finn never thought he’d see Kylo’s rage fighting for him. His mind flashes back to that moment in the hallway when Kylo offered Finn his lightsaber. That moment when it was clear to him that Kylo would accept whatever Finn decided to inflict upon him. Yet that same desperate man is fighting for him with a fury that was in a league of its own.

Finn’s head started to faintly ache as a brief vision that didn’t make sense flashed. He focused on reality as he watched the stone menace open its chest. Finn opened his mouth to shout his warning, but Kylo was already ready. Kylo thrust his lightsaber inside the center violently. Finn watched the glow fade from the stone eyes. Kylo pulled out his lightsaber and Finn watched the stone menace fall to its knees. When it fell, Kylo took his lightsaber and cut off its head. The force so strong it sent the stone head flying, crashing into the wall, breaking into rubble. 

Before Finn commented on it, Kylo was before him with his lightsaber deactivated. The rage he emitted quickly vanished. “Are you okay?” Kylo asked, his voice distraught. He wouldn’t meet Finn’s eyes, he reached out to touch but stopped himself. 

“It’s okay,” Finn assured him, and without hesitation, Kylo’s large hands were cautiously touching him. “I think I twisted my ankle,” Finn said and Kylo moved his hand towards it. He saw a white glow emit from his hand. Finn heard Rey talk about this, Finn gathered his strength and grabbed Kylo’s wrist. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Finn said his voice tight. “I’m not that bad in shape for you to resort to that.”

Kylo finally looked up at him, the rims of his eyes faintly red. “I’d easily give up my life force for you. You’re worth it.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. You’re crazy,” Fin said. Kylo lowered his hand and bowed his head. 

“I swore no harm will come to you.”

Just like before, other flashes of images but this time more coherent. They’ve been here before, not this temple but this moment. A similar moment where Finn got hurt and Kylo was upset about his injuries. He didn’t know how he got hurt but he knows what he did to reassure him that he was okay. Perhaps it wasn’t a recovering memory. It could have been a force vision showing him what to do. Regardless, Finn moved his forehead to rest against Kylo’s. His hand gently caressed Kylo’s face, his fingertips met slight dampness.

“I’m okay, Kylo,” Finn responded softly. “I just need some bacta and I’ll be fine.”

Kylo's eyes blinked wide as he looked up. Just as Finn knew, he repeated the gesture. “This has happened before.”

Before Finn could confirm or ask questions, Kylo pulled away and picked him up. He held Finn with ease as he used the force to pull Finn’s blaster in his holster.

“Let’s get you somewhere safe,” Kylo said as he stepped past the rubble, through the tunnel the stone menace created.

“How did you know that was its weakness?”

“I fought one in my path. It was patrolling,” Kylo answered. “I was hoping you wouldn’t encounter one, but you went ahead-alone.”

“I know… I should have waited.” Finn responded.

“It’s fine,” Kylo responded. “We didn’t know there would be kriffin’ active guardians here.”

They moved in silence, searching for a room that was safe enough for Finn to recover. They didn’t encounter anyone or any other guardians. When Kylo found a room with a stone table inside and he deemed it safe enough. He lowered Finn on top of it as gently as possible. A sharp pain shot through Finn’s back making him wince.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Finn responded, he hoped Kylo wasn’t beating himself up for his injuries. 

Kylo didn’t say another word as he rummaged through Finn’s pack. He found the care kit, opened it to take out essentials he knew he needed for Finn’s injuries. He started with his ankle first, Kylo was the farthest thing from a doctor but he did his best. He tended to all of Finn’s wounds as carefully and gently as possible. When Kylo wrapped the bacta bandage around his torso, he had flashes of Kylo doing the same except clumsily and not so skillfully.

“He must have learned,” Finn thought. Finn watched as Kylo started to put the supplies away, his mind altering between now and flashes of another time. Finn huffed before he laughed softly.

“What’s funny?” Kylo asked.

“We’ve been here before to haven’t we?” 

Kylo’s brows lowered in confusion. “This temple? No. Did you hit your head?”

Finn shakes his head. That wasn’t what he meant. He didn’t hit his head or at least not as hard as he thinks. Maybe it was harder than he remembers, maybe he did hit head hard, so hard he reached out for Kylo.

His voice low and quiet just like then. “No, this moment… you taking care of my wounds.” Finn paused briefly with his eyes closed and he couldn’t see how Kylo stared at him. Finn smiled slowly causing Kylo’s heart to ache and yearn at the familiarity. “Except then we weren’t prepared and you were clumsy, so clumsy. I laughed at you for not knowing basic med care and you got irritated. You were going to walk away but I stopped you. I-I-”

“You wha-” Kylo wasn’t able to finish when Finn’s soft lips pressed against his own. Kylo trembled at embracing the gentleness he missed and Finn clutched onto him as if their very existence depended on it.

It took Kylo back to that first moment when Finn kissed him. He was scared at how good it felt and immediately ran away from the kiss that started it all. It was still quick, still desperate. It was far from sloppy since Kylo had a familiarity with Finn’s lips.

Their lips separated and Kylo looked up at Finn with hope.

“You remember.”

Finn shakes his head.

“You remember,” Kylo repeated. “You have to know, how else could you?”

“I don’t remember everything,” Finn spoke. “It comes in fragments, most of the time they don’t make any sense. I don’t know if it's memories or visions.” Finn bit his lips as he looked away. “It drives me crazy.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kylo asked. “I could have helped you work through the fragments.”

Finn shakes his head and it dawns on Kylo that Finn didn’t want to remember. He can’t even pretend that it doesn’t hurt.

“I know you want him back,” Finn started. “But I don’t want to disappear.”

“You’ve lost it!” Kylo said his voice tight. He huffs as he starts to pace the room.

“You,” Kylo started with a huff. “There’s only one Finn and it is you. You don’t act much different than you did before Dathomir. Sure, you’re not intimate with me and we don’t do the things we used to but, force help me, you’re exactly the same.” Kylo stopped pacing and moved to hold Finn’s face gently to make him look at him. “Yeah, I missed our intimacy but what I miss more is being near you, spending time with you. I swear you haven’t changed and you’re never disappearing if I can help it.”

Finn swallows his hard, “What if I only ever have just fragments? That’s not fair.”

“That’s okay!” Kylo responded. “I’ll help you piece it together if you want. Is that what you want?”

“I’m not sure,” Finn said quietly, his mind was at war with itself. 

Kylo closes his eyes tight as he pressed his lips to Finn’s temple. “Let me know when you’re sure.” Finn nods in agreement.

“When did this start happening?” Kylo asked.

“The night before you came back,” Finn hesitated to tell him exactly what he was doing at the time. “I was with DJ.” Finn saw Kylo’s jaw clench tightly, his palms were clenched in tight fists. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad at you, I’m pissed at him!” Kylo responded. “He knows what we mean to each other and yet he tries to get between us again!”

Finn didn’t respond, he didn’t know what to say since this was news to him. He grabbed Kylo’s hand, “ It wasn’t that good. I couldn’t cum until you flashed in my mind.”

Kylo shakes his head, “still the same,” he mutters under his breath. He laughed softly, “I love you.”

“I know,” Finn responded. He didn’t need his memories to see that Kylo loved him.

Before Kylo could respond the door for their room opened. Kylo grabbed his lightsaber, ready for whatever it was that decided to interrupt them. Kylo relaxed when looked down and saw the green being in light brown robes. 

“Grogu,” Kylo greeted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...
> 
> Finn is remembering is now confirmed, even though it's just random situational fragments. All will be revealed in the next and final chapter! This chapter was interesting to write since I don't write a lot of fighting scenes. It feels so weird writing a fight but I feel proud of what I did. I hope you all enjoyed it!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!  
> <3  
> SN
> 
> P.S I bet Grogu was the last person you ever expected walking through that door 😋


End file.
